The Diagnosis

PTSD. I didn't think everyday people got this. I thought this was what happens to military officers/soldiers who have fought in wars and seen things many of us will never see. But, I learned that's not true and it's something you should never ignore. 

For three full years that's exactly what I tried to do. I didn't want to admit I had a problem. I didn't want to tell anyone that for the past three years I was traumatized by our living conditions from several neighbors. And, they did it to me deliberately and on purpose to hurt me and hurt me... they did. 

I kept it from my husband, my best friend and I don't even remember talking to The Lord about this. That is until the breakdown. I remember making a call to a brother in church that owned duplexes here in town and I begged for help to let us rent from him. 

In a nutshell, Jesus gave me four dreams and all of them He was telling me not to move. Yet, I was hurting, suffering inwardly and it would be the first of two major breakdowns my husband would see.

I knew something was wrong with me, but I didn't know how to deal with it and certainly how to treat an illness I didn't know I had. And it really is an illness. 

But, PTSD can happen to anyone who experiences trauma. And, I know that the Bible speaks about fear and anxiety but it's not easy to turn off something that happened for years. 

I pray for forgetfulness. I want to forget it all and just be normal again. I feel my journey to recovery is just beginning...

UPDATE: It ended in a total of five years of trauma that went with me when we moved into our home. But again praying...God spoke and said He would heal me and hubby through our new home. I have suffered hearing loss but again I'm praying for total physical healing and trying to treat it the best I can. The mental side is coming along much better. And I owe it all to Jesus.